Love

Christina finally called me the other day.
I felt really relieved to hear back from her.
Day after day after I went to the gutters to look after her.
It's always close to the homeless shelters.
I kept going back there looking for her.
I didn't quite know what to feel about going there alone looking for her.
It could have probably made me sound like a brave guy but in reality I felt fear.
I didn't quite fit in there looking for her, but I didn't care.

I was well groomed, healthy with a home, a college degree and all that bull crap.
but I wasn't quite feeling alright, all that stuff to me seemed like a boring given.
yet I felt very bored about life and about people.
Most faces seemed dull, most conversations felt stupid.
Most people looked the same and talked about stuff I didn't care.
I didn't care about cars, I hated sports, I hated religion having no god, not really wanting a god.

When I was an outcast who didn't have any friends and who couldn't talk well, I remember longing to join and to be happy like the rest,
but then I discovered that no one that I knew was truly happy.
I knew a couple of people that were trying though.

One long haired crazy nomad hobo, a full time transexual wanting to become a woman and yet liking girls (the kind that like to keep his cock to be able to fuck women) and another girl friend of mine, a very talented musician.
Her boyfriend also seemed to make sense as he appeared to me that he was making it as a musician, even though I believe he didn't like me after I smeared my own shit on his washroom walls because he fucked my girlfriend that I had at the moment for revenge.
That is just a theory though, I can't really recall the event since I was overly intoxicated and or high.
I decided not to get intoxicated to that point anymore for my own safety.


That night I decided to go out dressed up as a girl just because I can,
My personal way to tell society it's wrong,
like a living surreal painting,
Green wig, mini skirt, whorish make up and whorish earrings, fishnets, whorish whore look.
I loved the way I was making most people girl friends on the street look as interesting as the weather network.

I felt really bad with her after I heard about the event.
Fuck for shit.
Round table, you can go and fuck your cape and sword.
I really didn't react the way I should have I guess, but in reality I couldn't have had control the situation.
I think it's a cool story nevertheless.

I have always thought that the most interesting people in society were also very bizarre to the rest of the world.
It was comforting in a way to find some people like you, since must people I found were too bland.
I lost the interest in blending in with this people a long time ago.
I needed some kind of excitement, something to remind me that something was going on,
something to remind me that there was something beyond to what we were expected in life.

One day on the way looking for Christina,
I tried buying weed from a guy, a very displeasing looking guy,
I was asking him about the prices of the dope hoping to get it cheaper,
He said violently that I was asking to many questions.

"You are asking to fucking many questions, You are buying my shit or what" he said
"well I just wanted some info" I said
The guy was significantly taller and bigger than me, I was also wearing make up and earrings like a good goth whore, which didn't really help.
"What, Are you trying to write a fucking book or what?" he said
"I'm actually trying but I think writing takes a little too much of you" I said
The guy grabbed me on the neck of my shirt and lifted me up with one hand and pushed me to the wall.
He did it so easily that I felt like a rag doll. I wasn't afraid of the monkey though.
as I was next to the wall, I felt really exited to be out of my room.
"Don't act funny with me buddy" he said.

"I know a very good joke about Jews if you want a laugh though, can I have my weed?" I said
He dropped me slowly, I handed him a ten, and then he was looking his pockets for weed.
He was digging violently on his pockets for the weed.
I knew he didn't have any...
He gave me a piece of crack, and left.
I lost the damned stone. what a waste of fucking money I though.

It felt relieved to hear about Christina, since I thought she was about to die any second.
When I met her she hadn't ate for the past four days, and the four days we were together she didn't eat.
She was 3 months pregnant and she was trying to get a miscarriage.

When she called me she told me she finally had it.
I was so happy that she was still alive, and specially that she was eating again.
She described the miscarriage as a bloodied clod of DNA with 2 heads.
I thought that that was deliciously insane and funny,
The first four words she said were, "I got my period!"
She asked me if she could stay at my place on the couch.
I said yes in a second.
I drank until I lost contentiousness then felt asleep.
I known this human for months but never seen her sleep.
She has very heavy Schizophrenia by the way.


The next morning I woke up at a beating of my bedroom door.
Really early in the morning, I hate fucking mornings....
She came inside of my room asking how I was, and I gently told her for the 5th or 6th time that I despised fucking mornings.
She turned the lights of my room on and started to look at herself on my large bedroom mirror.
She asked me not to look back,
I gently asked why?
She said, "cause I'm looking at my asshole"
I looked slightly, and she was behind me bent over looking at her asshole in my large bedroom window.
Then she said "I'm going to take a shower"
I said it was ok.
After a couple of minutes I decided to knock on the washroom door and asked her if I could come in.
She said, sure you can. The door was open all along.
She was showering with the drapes open all the way, She looked so sexy. So slim,
and she had this fuck me face on, Not the regular fuck me face, but the fuck me hard face on.

I didn't know you had your pussy pierced I said, as I was peeing.
"Oh, thanks, it really feels nice on my pussy" she said
"can i go shower with you?" i said
"no, wait" she said
Then she got out of the shower and I got naked in front of her,
It felt like primate love to me,
I didn't give a god damned shit as she saw me showering naked.
 She left the washroom, and I finished showering.
I rushed as much as I could.

I got inside of my room,
She had her pants down, she was checking her asshole again.
"Do you think my asshole is too big? she said
"how the fuck should I know" I said
"wanna see?"
I hesitated
then i said yes.
"Let me bring another lamp, you know, I have to be sure" I Said
I lit a big lamp next to the mirror next to her ass, which was next to the mirror.
She was bent over next to the mirror with her checks open, and I was supposed to inspect.
"I dont think your asshole is too big, I think its the perfect size" I said
"Really?, look closer" she said
Somehow I had my hands opening her ass cheeks in front of the mirror. Next to my face with heavyly bright studio lights.
We just showered and I could smell sex, and it smell really good.
I had her ass cheeks next to my face and her pussy on the mirror.
"I actually think your asshole is really tight, can you put a finger in it?" I said.
She did, I asked her to wet it a little or it wouldn't go in easy.
She licked her finger and put it straight up her ass.
I felt ready to pound like a madman or like a man that has been in in prison for so long that the closest memory of a girl left on his mind was Freddy the janitor.
I had one of the biggest hard-on's of my life.
"You just gave me the biggest hard on I have ever had". I said
"Really?" she said
"Really" I said.
"Wanna see my cock?" I said,
not that her answer would have really matter though....
I took my cock out
"It's huge" she said.
I laughed and said.
"haha, I've heard that before."
Then she grabbed my cock with her whole hand and started stroking it.
If there was a heaven I thought, I might as well be cumming on fucking god's face.

She suddenly went to the other room, and we decided to go out for adventure
I thought it was fun.
I still couldn't believe I haven't had real sex with her.
Not really sure if i actually did want it to.
Sex seemed too easy, This felt like madness, and I was loving it.

Then....
I thought.
why do we need love anyways?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kolicko/7259385110/in/set-72157629870968716/

The Mental Asylum

This one is about the Mental Asylum.


He was living in the house of a friend of mine.
My close friend haven't had a "home" in years.
You could say he is a homeless person.
Actually that's the right way to call it.
But what's admirable of this human, Is that he is a self imposed all standing homeless human by choice.

He used to have a full time job as an accountant, I think his job was  being an accountant.
I don't quite remember it exactly, I think it was telemarketing.
His Hair was Short. and wore a tie.
His father is an intolerant Chinese man that has in his mind that you are shit if you are not an engineer or some kind of crap.
His British blond mother (I Image she is blonde for some reason) mother doesn't like him, because he is not "normal".
-We didn't raise a good boy....., etc.
 She lives on some kind of suburb, and what for my friend tells me,
She Hates Her Life.
According to my friend neither of his parents are happy.
 One day, at his office He Quit.
Just Quit.
Dropped everything, Made a huge scene in the office getting on top of his desk and said I quit.
The next night he went out wearing a pink tutu.and a pink plastic wand from the dollarama.
and some kind of tiara. Since he gave a dangling butthole about the opinion of the world)


He is about my same age, very skinny, very long brown Chinese/British hair down his butt.
Very warm hearted.
He has told me some of the most disturbing stories I ever heard, (I hope I was able to disturb him a bit, we liked to disturb people in public), and some of the best ways to live out of this evil world.

He called me one night,
 He was living in the house of his friend,
He was a "baby sitter" for a Boa Constrictor named "Manly Susan"
(The owner gave it a female name and then discovered She was a He)
His task was to give mice to this thing every once in a while, It was really cool seeing this Boa eat.
I read somewhere that most of the time when a boa swallows something the victim is still alive while the boa eats them.
Having all or most of your bones broken doesn't necessarily mean you will die.
So some fellows are eaten alive or the snake would get sad if the victim doesn't move.
It probably wouldn't eat, So if you are a sadist you have a first row to a slow painful death.
Get a snake, they make you hot.

I don't remember why but the bloody python didn't have a place to go after her friend was getting evicted for some reason. So I went to this place to get this murdering living machine (Just like us but less evil) back to my place.

I ended up living with a very cool 19 years old Gender Queer Dude, I swore he was a she when I met him, but thats for another story.

 He told me that he was living there for free since the owner of the place wasn't there and there was no one to take care of this beautiful lovely creature.

He was using the place for prostitution,
People need a place to fuck, but not all the time you can afford a hotel.
Or want to be associated with one.
So some people will give you some money if you are their friend, and they'll ask to fuck in your place While you wait in the staircase and they'll split some money with you.
You go to the staircase, don't leave anything valuable, (dah), and in the next hour you made maybe 50 bucks.
Sometimes you've got to pretend you are her boyfriend and you have to pretend to get upset while seeing your "girlfriend" fuck this dude, that thought really turns some people on.
 While in reality you are sipping vodka waiting for the day to be over.
Down under squishy sounds and the smell of sex.




_____
One day he said he wanted to die, he wanted to die SO bad,
Very Bad, it even scared me, that would have made me so so so very sad.
I didn't hear about the story until it was all done.
Happily it didn't come to fruition.

We addicts like different highs.
I'm drink quite a bit, My friend is a prescription drug freak and they are fucking wise on getting them, trust me.
Pharmacists sound like amateurs.

Some are S toners. The Chillest bunch, not the deepest conversationalists, but very fun.
I have dealt with a couple of crack heads, they are not good friends. They'll betray you.
It's better in a way. Never Thrust One.
If you think about it it's understandable.
It's very cheap and it last for so long.
Shitty it causes heavy psychosis.
and it's heavily addicting so I wouldn't advise you that.

Never Buy drugs from a girl or after the sun comes down unless you know them.
or from anyone that sounds too intense.
Never Pay in Advance.
This isn't sexism.

I'm just saying this since from the girl point of view.
It's so easy to start screaming.
 There is no logic, reason or way to win so that kind of situations should be avoided. Unless you want to be Mobbed.

And believe me, it can happen easier that you would think.
Even if you tried your best to make the best for everybody.

When there is no sunlight, Anyone selling you anything means a potential ambush.
Not from the stoners but from the crack heads, Those guys are vicious.
It might just be where I live... but I don't think so.
The girl could always start screaming something like "who is my home boy" and you'll get a mob against you.


_ I was waiting in the staircase for the elevator to come down with my friend while this couple fucked.
We were just waiting so we could get the bloody snake off this place after they fucked.
It was hilarious to have a huge fish tank in the bus with a murderous snake huge thing.
We answered everybody that asked for  the reason of the snake.
 We said that we were huge homosexuals, and that there was no better feeling than having an snake tail up your butt.
or that we where part of a cult of Lucifer.
They went to the front of the bus...

4 seats where free around us all of a sudden,.




 Yeah, the mental Asylum shit...


-He Told me One day that he was bored.
I told him I was bored too.
I told him him that I really needed some passion. Any Kind.
He told me that one night on this 14, 13 floor apartment (something like that)
He was SO ready to jump of the window.
Jump down to oblivion, get all your bones broken and shattered and making your brain a mass of pinky flesh.
He was so ready, but he didn't want to die.

There is a suicide line available. 416-408-HELP at least up to today's date. Feb 22nd 2013.
So there was a mob of ambulances, Fire fighters and noises, Plenty of death.
Almost announcing his death.
Then you get an ambulance with a ticket for you to the mental ward.
He is alive you dear human reading this. 

So you get confined to the mental Asylum, if you go by yourself, there is no way to leave until you successfully reach 3 "normal" days.
Which make no sense to me since you are all drugged up on opiates (Irony I Know).
You will be drugged. So if you have psychosis you won't be dangerous and you will be lame
Fact.
Docile.


Everything is white, Everything is Quiet.
Doors don't squeak, everything is White.
There is no violence.
Not even foot steps are heard.
TV is abundant and so are drugs.
and No one speaks to anyone.
Obviously, It's all dormant stuff.
Obviously.

The Text is From Paradise Lost

Bile

This one is about last Halloween I went to Ottawa to visit.
I was working for a restaurant in Toronto by that time and everything was getting quite boring.
I got 3 days off for some reason,
So I decided to check back a couple people over there.
Most of my friends over there are drug addicts, Musicians, Blatantly Homosexual People, Cross-dressers, Gender Queers, Homeless people, alcoholics, artists, people with questionable sanity.
You would be surprised that all those adjectives define a big bunch of people, Sometimes all of them describe one.

I went to my exe's place.
She and one of my best friends were living  together at the same time  and at the same place for some reason.
I didn't know where I was going to sleep that day that I arrived to Ottawa.
I was surprised that I got a message from my ex almost right away when I arrived there.

I saw one of the people I dislike the least in the world at that Ottawa mall.
Almost as soon as I arrived.
A random half asian half british homeless dude, was already waiting for me.

I was fascinated about meeting this human the first time we did.
He showed me his notebook, filled with newspaper cut out words.
Plenty of colors on those insane looking pages,
Lots of glue and Red.
Red all over.
Cut Outs of blood from newspapers.
Quite pretty, Not gruesome. Just pretty.
Not that I think that blood is cute or nice. Just the faces, the cut outs where so dramatic and interesting.

This time we were going in drag to my friends band  show from Toronto.

We were putting my friend's dresses  on for the show.
Not my exe's dresses the other one's.
They are both female.
One had been a female all her life.

I said, Dude you can't wear that dress with those hairy legs.
You would look caricature silly.
I discovered he had never shaven his legs.
So for the next hour I was wearing a skin tight dress, High Heels and Lipstick.
 Sitting in the toilet bowl helping my friend shave his legs while he was sitting on a half filled tub, since we were so late for the show.
Not feeling homosexual at all at any point. Just embracing madness.
I did one leg while he was doing the other.
He was so hairy for being a skinny fragile looking asian human.

And then we went. Most of the band was also wearing dresses, they were covered in fake blood.
Which I like, I always Like cross dressers with guitars covered in blood.
That is something that I would probably like right away, so If you want me to like you, now you know how.

The next day we were supposed to go to a show at night. But we didin't.
My friend wanted to get some opiates. 
Prescription drugs.
I find those a bit boring, since people get so boring on them.
And they kill people more often than other drugs, since they are so incredibly potent; and intravenous injections seem to be way more aggressive.
I remember talking in the morning on that same day with this guy
about an artist that I used to work with  that died out of an overdose of Barbiturates, an opiate.

He told me how someone almost died on him once, with opiates, Someone he knew.
A homosexual friend of his was dating this doctor, and he was getting all this sort of drugs.
He got some kind of patch for something, that they crushed and injected. I think it was for morphine addiction. He got a shot and he got really blue with him.
He survived, my asian friend went monkey with his chest and the other started to cough.

We took a bus to the middle of nowhere where this friend of his was staying with his sugar daddy.
He was about to get evicted. We told him that we wanted to party and go to a show.
He asked us to follow him, this person is younger than us, early 90's, very good looking.
Im a late 80's myself. and so its James.


Might be a bit late to describe ourselves but here it goes,
James is very skinny, his hair is very long and brown, it reaches his butt Asian fragile calm and introspective.
He wears thick glasses and kinda looks like mister miyagi mixed with KMDFM.

Me I don't know, I'm a bit disturbed.
I wear eyeliner.

This other guy looks like Justin Timberlake, but he is not Lame.

After going to this place in the middle of nowhere this Timberlake like guy got a bag filled with clonazepan.
They recently changed the formula by the way.
Now it is  a "chewable" so you cannot crush it and filter it.
 We went to my exe's house, this dude had a bunch of brand new needles.
They got really sick. But they seemed so calmed.
I was way to intoxicated, I could not attend the show, I could not stop puking all night.
I puked for hours.
I did not, could not sleep.
This guy came at night all horny and asked me If I wanted to go with him to his room.
He was surrounded by my exes dirty panties in the bed, an incestuous arrangement of disturbance. 
I puked hardcore.
I was still feeling alive.
Bile tastes so bitter. I have never puked so much of it.

Next morning I left, I wrote this short story about this human that liked to have sex with knife wounds he inflicted to people.
In their lungs.
and some Ideas for happy puppets.