I felt really relieved to hear back from her.
Day after day after I went to the gutters to look after her.
It's always close to the homeless shelters.
I kept going back there looking for her.
I didn't quite know what to feel about going there alone looking for her.
It could have probably made me sound like a brave guy but in reality I felt fear.
I didn't quite fit in there looking for her, but I didn't care.
I was well groomed, healthy with a home, a college degree and all that bull crap.
but I wasn't quite feeling alright, all that stuff to me seemed like a boring given.
yet I felt very bored about life and about people.
Most faces seemed dull, most conversations felt stupid.
Most people looked the same and talked about stuff I didn't care.
I didn't care about cars, I hated sports, I hated religion having no god, not really wanting a god.
When I was an outcast who didn't have any friends and who couldn't talk well, I remember longing to join and to be happy like the rest,
but then I discovered that no one that I knew was truly happy.
I knew a couple of people that were trying though.
One long haired crazy nomad hobo, a full time transexual wanting to become a woman and yet liking girls (the kind that like to keep his cock to be able to fuck women) and another girl friend of mine, a very talented musician.
Her boyfriend also seemed to make sense as he appeared to me that he was making it as a musician, even though I believe he didn't like me after I smeared my own shit on his washroom walls because he fucked my girlfriend that I had at the moment for revenge.
That is just a theory though, I can't really recall the event since I was overly intoxicated and or high.
I decided not to get intoxicated to that point anymore for my own safety.
That night I decided to go out dressed up as a girl just because I can,
My personal way to tell society it's wrong,
like a living surreal painting,
Green wig, mini skirt, whorish make up and whorish earrings, fishnets, whorish whore look.
I loved the way I was making most people girl friends on the street look as interesting as the weather network.
I felt really bad with her after I heard about the event.
Fuck for shit.
Round table, you can go and fuck your cape and sword.
I really didn't react the way I should have I guess, but in reality I couldn't have had control the situation.
I think it's a cool story nevertheless.
I have always thought that the most interesting people in society were also very bizarre to the rest of the world.
It was comforting in a way to find some people like you, since must people I found were too bland.
I lost the interest in blending in with this people a long time ago.
I needed some kind of excitement, something to remind me that something was going on,
something to remind me that there was something beyond to what we were expected in life.
One day on the way looking for Christina,
I tried buying weed from a guy, a very displeasing looking guy,
I was asking him about the prices of the dope hoping to get it cheaper,
He said violently that I was asking to many questions.
"You are asking to fucking many questions, You are buying my shit or what" he said
"well I just wanted some info" I said
The guy was significantly taller and bigger than me, I was also wearing make up and earrings like a good goth whore, which didn't really help.
"What, Are you trying to write a fucking book or what?" he said
"I'm actually trying but I think writing takes a little too much of you" I said
The guy grabbed me on the neck of my shirt and lifted me up with one hand and pushed me to the wall.
He did it so easily that I felt like a rag doll. I wasn't afraid of the monkey though.
as I was next to the wall, I felt really exited to be out of my room.
"Don't act funny with me buddy" he said.
"I know a very good joke about Jews if you want a laugh though, can I have my weed?" I said
He dropped me slowly, I handed him a ten, and then he was looking his pockets for weed.
He was digging violently on his pockets for the weed.
I knew he didn't have any...
He gave me a piece of crack, and left.
I lost the damned stone. what a waste of fucking money I though.
It felt relieved to hear about Christina, since I thought she was about to die any second.
When I met her she hadn't ate for the past four days, and the four days we were together she didn't eat.
She was 3 months pregnant and she was trying to get a miscarriage.
When she called me she told me she finally had it.
I was so happy that she was still alive, and specially that she was eating again.
She described the miscarriage as a bloodied clod of DNA with 2 heads.
I thought that that was deliciously insane and funny,
The first four words she said were, "I got my period!"
She asked me if she could stay at my place on the couch.
I said yes in a second.
I drank until I lost contentiousness then felt asleep.
I known this human for months but never seen her sleep.
She has very heavy Schizophrenia by the way.
The next morning I woke up at a beating of my bedroom door.
Really early in the morning, I hate fucking mornings....
She came inside of my room asking how I was, and I gently told her for the 5th or 6th time that I despised fucking mornings.
She turned the lights of my room on and started to look at herself on my large bedroom mirror.
She asked me not to look back,
I gently asked why?
She said, "cause I'm looking at my asshole"
I looked slightly, and she was behind me bent over looking at her asshole in my large bedroom window.
Then she said "I'm going to take a shower"
I said it was ok.
After a couple of minutes I decided to knock on the washroom door and asked her if I could come in.
She said, sure you can. The door was open all along.
She was showering with the drapes open all the way, She looked so sexy. So slim,
and she had this fuck me face on, Not the regular fuck me face, but the fuck me hard face on.
I didn't know you had your pussy pierced I said, as I was peeing.
"Oh, thanks, it really feels nice on my pussy" she said
"can i go shower with you?" i said
"no, wait" she said
Then she got out of the shower and I got naked in front of her,
It felt like primate love to me,
I didn't give a god damned shit as she saw me showering naked.
She left the washroom, and I finished showering.
I rushed as much as I could.
I got inside of my room,
She had her pants down, she was checking her asshole again.
"Do you think my asshole is too big? she said
"how the fuck should I know" I said
"wanna see?"
I hesitated
then i said yes.
"Let me bring another lamp, you know, I have to be sure" I Said
I lit a big lamp next to the mirror next to her ass, which was next to the mirror.
She was bent over next to the mirror with her checks open, and I was supposed to inspect.
"I dont think your asshole is too big, I think its the perfect size" I said
"Really?, look closer" she said
Somehow I had my hands opening her ass cheeks in front of the mirror. Next to my face with heavyly bright studio lights.
We just showered and I could smell sex, and it smell really good.
I had her ass cheeks next to my face and her pussy on the mirror.
"I actually think your asshole is really tight, can you put a finger in it?" I said.
She did, I asked her to wet it a little or it wouldn't go in easy.
She licked her finger and put it straight up her ass.
I felt ready to pound like a madman or like a man that has been in in prison for so long that the closest memory of a girl left on his mind was Freddy the janitor.
I had one of the biggest hard-on's of my life.
"You just gave me the biggest hard on I have ever had". I said
"Really?" she said
"Really" I said.
"Wanna see my cock?" I said,
not that her answer would have really matter though....
I took my cock out
"It's huge" she said.
I laughed and said.
"haha, I've heard that before."
Then she grabbed my cock with her whole hand and started stroking it.
If there was a heaven I thought, I might as well be cumming on fucking god's face.
She suddenly went to the other room, and we decided to go out for adventure
I thought it was fun.
I still couldn't believe I haven't had real sex with her.
Not really sure if i actually did want it to.
Sex seemed too easy, This felt like madness, and I was loving it.
Then....
I thought.
why do we need love anyways?
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